Recently I was browsing the TCKtraining website.  I enjoy looking at the various resources they have for missionaries and third culture kids.  Some things are available free of charge, which is an extra bonus.

One of the courses currently offered for free is “Safe Spaces Responses Course” taught by Elizabeth Smith. This short, twenty-minute video does a great job of explaining how we, as parents, can respond to our children’s emotions in a way that is helpful rather than hurtful.  We know that the words we speak to others are very important.  In fact, Proverbs 18:21 says, “Death and life are in the power of the tongue…” This course did a great job of helping us use our words to bring life to our children.

Some of the negative ways we can respond to our children’s emotions are through downplaying, defending, competing and correction.  This serves to shut a child down and discourage them from sharing their feelings in the future. A “safe space” response is to acknowledge, affirm, comfort and then curiosity.  

The video explains that downplaying is when we are trying to help by putting things in perspective, but when we do this first, we shut down their big emotions. When we defend a situation, we miss what our child wants to talk about.  The process of explaining can be helpful, but not good at the beginning. In competing or trying to top their story or situation by sharing our own experience, we can also shut down the conversation. Correction has a place but first try and understand what it is your child is trying to tell you.

We, as parents have good intentions, we love and want to help our children, but what I liked about this short course were the practical ways given to help us do a better job. On the positive side, we can acknowledge our children’s emotions by thanking them for sharing with us. We affirm them by validating their emotions. I liked how they said, “Don’t affirm the truth of the situation, but the truth of their emotions and feelings.” We can comfort them by offering a hug, suggesting spending time together doing something you both enjoy, or using words to comfort and encourage. There are times when we have the option to be curious and try to dig deeper into their feelings. 

Why is it good to avoid shut down responses and learn safe space responses? It helps our children feel heard, and that is a positive childhood experience. It can increase the sense of parents and children feeling connected, and it can set up a positive pattern of behaviors for their whole lives.  It’s a blessing to be heard, understood, seen and comforted.

If you have a chance, I encourage you to watch the video. www.tcktraining.com/course/safe-spaces-miniseries

Colossians 4:6, “Let your speech be always with grace, seasoned with salt, that ye may know how ye ought to answer every man.”

-Pam