Cultural Transitions: Different Isn’t Bad, It is Just Different

As you return to the US, you will be faced with yet another transition in your life.  You may have made transitions between cultures many times in your life.  However, this time you may have to do this transition without your parents or other family members close by.  You’ll have to navigate and relate to the new culture around you.  More than likely, you identify the most with the culture of the country you are leaving.  The younger you were when you went to the field the more likely this will be.  In your country, you may not have looked like you fit in but inside that is who you are.  Now, you are back to where you may fit in better on the outside but on the inside, you aren’t the same as everyone else.  This is something that all missionary kids (MKs) and other children of international parents, sometimes referred to as Third Culture Kids (TCKs), face.  Your “culture” is somewhere in between the one you are leaving and the one you are entering.  In all actuality, your “culture” doesn’t have a physical home, it just lives inside of you.  This third culture can even vary between you and your siblings.  It is part of what makes you unique and is something the Lord has given to just you.  He has allowed you to have so many experiences and adventures that sometimes those you meet cannot contemplate or understand.  All of this He will use as you progress through life, if you will let Him.  In the meantime, how do you navigate this new, exciting and slightly scary world?

More than likely, you will have had the opportunity to have visiting Americans either staying in your home or visiting for a mission trip.  Have you ever found yourself wondering how someone could ask such uninformed questions or be so scared of the things happening around them?  Well, you are going to feel this exact same way about yourself as you make this transition.  People are going to expect that you know cultural norms just because you look like you belong here.  You are going to feel like you are missing something, that people are talking over your head and that you don’t understand why things are done or said a certain way.  You will feel frustrated and misunderstood at times.  It is inevitable.  Don’t let it get to you too much.  Just remember, you have made a big cultural transition before – when you went to the field.  When you first arrived, you may not have known the language, let alone slang or nuances.  It may have taken a while to figure out the rules of the local sports or even how to hold a cricket bat. You may have even struggled with the local food.  But you managed to figure it all out and now you feel at home there.  Well, the same observation and learning skills you used to make that transition will be needed to make this transition.  Remember you have these skills.  When put to good use, they will aid in or be used by God to make this transition a little less stressful and frustrating.

Another area where you will find a big difference is in how church is done in America.  While it may be easy to find a church that preaches the Bible and has the correct theology – you will find the way ministry is done may be different.  Remember, this is because the American church is trying to reach Americans and not Costa Ricans, Japanese or Romanians.  Once again, being different from what you are used to or how your parents do things isn’t bad – it is just different.  Just because you are an MK and may have had a lot of opportunity to participate in ministry with your parents does not mean that you have all the answers for how ministry should be done in your new church.  Be willing to be involved in your college Sunday school class or small group.  Get involved in areas of ministry that interest you as a lay person.  Take some time to get to know how your new church works.  As you show yourself faithful in these areas, you will be given more opportunities for ministry in the church.  You may feel that it can sometimes be a little shallow and lite on actual “living by faith.”  That doesn’t mean there aren’t people in the pew that are rooted deep and understand true faith living.  If you are looking for those who don’t align with you, that’s what you will find.  If you are looking for positive relationships, that’s what you will find. 

“You only find what you are looking for, really, if the truth be known.” – Mary Leakey