Being a missionary kid is far from easy. For me, it meant isolation from family and friends in a country where I stuck out like a sore thumb. At first, things were easier. We lived in town, and I made friends with a young girl at the church where my parents worked.I was young when I first went at the age of nine, and God had yet to begin working in my life. 

Now it’s important to note that I accepted the Lord into my life at five years old; and despite the encouragement of my parents, never truly grew close to God. This became evident to me at the age of eleven, on our first furlough. My youth group at our sending church had been expressing the importance of a personal relationship with the Lord. And, while I was interested, I had a very hard time getting the motivation to be serious about it. I had spent all my life hearing the stories; and in a way I was desensitized to the Gospel. 

At the most critical phase of my life, I didn’t build the habit of getting into the Word daily. And I would pay for it dearly. It was at this point that God began to strip away my contentment, my happiness, my joy. The next six to seven years were a downward spiral for me. My lazy lack of motivation kept me from pursuing the Lord. I mean… I had better more entertaining things to do… Right?

I don’t think I had many genuine smiles in those years. My attitude stank worse than rotten eggs or sour milk. I was constantly in a state of discontentment. I wanted to leave, get away from my parents because I presumed they were the problem (In truth, I was). At this time, we had moved to the bush, where I was isolated from most children my age. God had stripped all of my comforts away.

I had been doubting my salvation constantly in the previous years; and unfortunately resorted to asking God to save me at least once a month. Because surely I hadn’t done it right the first time… or so I thought. Christians were supposed to feel close to God, right?

Finally it happened. I blew up at my mom. It was the worst verbal shouting match I’d ever engaged her in, and I look back on it in shame. Don’t follow my example. Honor your parents.

It was that night, in the middle of the African Bush where I was brought my lowest. I begged God for forgiveness. I still doubted my salvation; so after all those years, I finally turned to the one place that had the answers. God’s glorious letter to us.

It was by the grace of God that I stumbled onto James 4:7-10.

          “Submit yourselves therefore to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you. 

          “Draw nigh to God, and he will draw nigh to you. Cleanse your hands, ye sinners; and purify your hearts, ye double minded.

            “Be afflicted, and mourn, and weep; let your laughter be turned to mourning, and your joy to heaviness. 

            “Humble yourselves in the sight of the Lord, and he shall lift you up.”

This made everything clear to me. I didn’t have to doubt my salvation anymore.  The only problem here was my failure to draw close to God. He had turned my laughter to mourning.  I sat and cried my eyes out as I realized that all these years of heart ache weren’t from a lack of salvation, but a lack of closeness to the God who sent His son for me.  

As I began returning to the right path, my parents noticed a change in me… And so did I. As I talked to my dad, and later another MK friend of mine, I discovered this experience was not an isolated incident. Many MKs suffered this experience at one point or another. 

Some people look at Missionary kids and expect us to be mighty warriors who never stray from the word of God. It can be daunting, and a major misconception. We are human, drawn by the same fleshly desires and temptations as any other kid our age. It is unfortunately only natural. We will fall, but God can just as easily pick us up.

The Lord laid it on my heart to share this experience; because I know for a fact that I’m not the only one who suffered this way. Even now, there may be someone reading this that has wandered from the path of righteousness, or merely feigned to walk it truly.

I’m saying this to you. If a Christian wanders away from God. Then they will be miserable. It is His way of drawing them back into the fold. Listen, and return. Only then will you feel the blessed peace associated with walking alongside our Lord and Savior.

-by Nikki Rasmussen, MK to Zambia